His Name: Glorified and Will Glorify It Again
A lot of things happened recently, and I wasn’t able to write anything here. But now, notyetdonefor is back!
And for my return, I would like to share to you my personal experiences for the 1st semester of S.Y. 2012-2013. Even though this is a long text, I hope that you would enjoy reading this. Here it goes…
First off, I’m a student of UST AMV College of Accountancy, my last year at that (the last 4-year course batch, because the curriculum was changed to 5 years), as well as a Working Scholar of the university. This semester started off quite well, having attended the Leader’s Camp at Caliraya before the actual start of classes. Because of what I’ve learned and experienced at the camp, I’ve got a good view of how my college life, even the whole lot of it, was a battle, and that, I have to be strong and courageous in facing it. That time, I didn’t quite expect that what I learned from the camp would actually apply to me right away.
The first half of the semester was great – a good roster of professors, good learning materials, good scores at exams – except for one, and that is Advanced Accounting 1. By “advanced”, it means that it is far more challenging than any accounting subjects that I have taken so far. Well, I’ve got a good professor in that subject. Her way of teaching is also remarkable – the way she taught us was, I can say, mother-like. But even so, I never passed an examination during the preliminary period, both minor test and the major exam. I informed my dad and my Lola about it, told them that there is a possibility of failing the subject.
I also told it to Kuya Rodnel, Kuya Paul, Mike, JAL Family, as well as some of my friends that I’m accountable to. They encouraged me to stay on it and still do my best. What struck me most was my conversation with Kuya Rodnel. I told kuya that I’m struggling then with my subject, and that with the consequences of failing, I might lose my scholarship, I might even be sent back to the province to study there because my family cannot afford to let me continue my studies in UST. Then he replied to me the best response ever, he said,
“Kapag bumagsak ka dyan sa subject mo, ganun agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng iba muna? Na magprovide si God so that mapagpatuloy mo yung studies mo sa UST?”
That struck me – to the core. I’m always thinking that if I failed the subject, those undesirable things would happen; never thinking that God has a much better plan for my life. Then he told me about the story of Lazarus’ death (for the full story of Lazarus’ death, see John 11:1-45). He told me how Jesus waited for two days even after He had received the news about Lazarus’ sickness. And when He finally went to their place, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Yet the glory of God was seen after the stone blocking the tomb was removed and after Jesus ordered Lazarus to come out – and he did! Yes, God will be glorified if Jesus went immediately to their place and healed Lazarus preventing his death, yet He said that “for His disciples’ sake He is glad He is not there, so that they may believe” (v.15), and “if they do believe, they would see the glory of God” (v.40), pointing to the fact that Jesus deliberately waited for the right moment so that the Father will be glorified even greater. And true enough, Jesus’ timing was ever perfect. Kuya Rodnel told me that may be God is teaching me something, and that He is frustrating my ways now, so that His Name will be glorified even more in the perfect time. After that conversation, I held tighter to Him, believing that no matter what happens, it’s for His glory, and not mine.
I deeply thought about what got into me. I know I’m studying the subject but still. I thought there was something wrong in my way of studying, so I changed it. I even changed my schedule at work so that I can a lot more time in studying AdvAcc 1. I also asked the help of a fellow classmate and a former one to help me in reviewing the topics and in helping me solve problems. I even went to the point of having only two to three hours of sleep so that I can have more time to study it. But all of those efforts, I thought, were in vain. For even after doing them, and being sure of my way of answering my exams, I still failed them. Yes, I did not pass any of my exams, both in the preliminary and final period. Considering that I required an average of 85 for the final period, I am quite on the verge of failing the subject. And my final exam was a disaster; I couldn’t even get a hold of what I was supposed to do back then. The things and methods that I studied before taking the exam, I couldn’t apply it to the problems presented to me. And during the final exam, talking to myself, I said, “This is over… (with a big sigh afterwards).
That was a Saturday and that night was very long, with the apartment unit all for myself (the others were out, either at Jayne’s Debut celebration or at the VIP Meeting), thoughts sank into my mind, things that I’ve done, and for what’s going to come. I couldn’t wait for the next day to arrive. That will be our semender, the SportsFeast.
The SportsFeast was a great day, filled with so much fun and games, and don’t forget the buffet afterwards. That day, I was able to suppress my thoughts and feelings for my about-to-fail subject and had all the fun that I had as if there’s no tomorrow. But after the event, when everyone went on their own way, those things about my subject came right back in my head in an instant. And what happened the next day terrified me.
In my duty (which was whole day now like a regular employee, due to a lot of schedule changing to make way for studying AdvAcc 1), I saw my professor in AdvAcc 1 and I asked her with a smile, “Ma’am, kamusta po yung grades namin?”, and she replied to me, “Ayoko munang isipin yun.” Then she left. In my mind, I’m already conditioning myself for whatever is about to happen, while also thinking how I’m going to tell it to my family. The next day, which was Tuesday, I saw her again in my duty, and she had that sad yet somehow disgusted look at me. And that made me think that I failed her subject. That afternoon, I asked a friend from the Registrar’s Office to check my grades online since it was not posted yet, but I failed to return and get it back. The next day, I asked my supervisor in my duty if I can go to my adviser and consult about our thesis and he gave me the permission. Supposedly, all I had to do there was to inquire about our thesis, but when it was over, and when I am about to go out of the faculty room to have some lunch with my thesis group mates and some of my friends, somebody grabbed my hand. And guess who? It was my AdvAcc 1 professor. She led me to the conference room and there she apologized to me. She said that, of all the people that failed her subject, I’m the one of whom she cried a lot about, telling me that before, that was in third year, when she was also my professor in one of my subjects, I didn’t have any problems. She repeatedly apologized to me saying that she’s done everything that she could and yet, my final grade didn’t make it to the passing grade which is 65 – my grade was only about 60.34, with the transmutations already in effect. What made me almost cry that time wasn’t the fact that my grade was so close to the passing, it was the fact that my professor was so compassionate, that she’s apologizing to me even though we all know that it was my fault that I failed the subject, that she even cried for me when she’s doing everything that she could to help me pass. But I suppressed my tears; I didn’t want that moment to end in a crying session. I left the conference room, thanking my professor and bidding her farewell.
Being confirmed that I failed the subject, I informed my friends that I’m accountable to. And of all the people that I informed, Bea Barlaan’s reply was the one that I will not forget. She said, “Pa’no na yung scholarship mo?” I replied, “wala na”, and then she told me the most comforting message that day,
“Okay lang ‘yan. Nagpapasikat lang si God na magprovide.”
And I thought that, yes, she’s right, God has planned everything. I told myself that I’m going to hold on to the promises of His Word, and that no matter what happens, I’m still His’.
That day, I was supposed to be alone in the apartment, having the unit all for me again, for my housemates were in the province since it is already sembreak, and only Joshua was left with me, but I thought that he has his duty in internship at the hospital. But some of my friends texted me, they told me if I want to have dinner with them, and that they wanted to stay at my place that night. It was Kaypee, along with Gian and Redan; and we found that Joshua was in the unit. That night we talked until we fell, or I fell asleep.
A couple of days later, I went to the Office of Student Affairs to inquire about what would happen to my scholarship now that I had a failure. And they only told me what I already know – I officially lost my scholarship that day. After that, I went to the Office of the Vice Rector for Finance (the office that I’m assigned), to ask for permission for me to have my petition class fixed and to bid farewell as well. They were grieved with the news but nonetheless they let me go to do what I have to do.
Fixing the petition class was tiresome, so many things to do and so many things to accomplish. Each day, so much time was wasted just waiting for the approval, not knowing if the approval would be given that day – but that is the price I have to pay. Finally, after sometime, an agreement was formed between us, petitioners, and the Chair of the Accountancy Program. He told us that we can’t have an overload for the subject we failed even though we only have 25 units for the second semester. He told us that what we should do is to drop three subjects from our regular load – which is 9 units – so that we can take AdvAcc 1 which is 6 units. And those 9 units, along with another 3 units from our summer that we cannot take because of pre-requisite requirement – for a total of 12 units – will be taken in the first semester of the school year 2013-2014. That pierced my heart well – I have reserved a slot in a review center to be taken on June 2013, as well as other things that are already set, having paid the required reservation fee, and because I am going to be delayed, I don’t have the slightest idea of what I’m supposed to do with them. I’ve already told my dad that I will be delayed for one semester and I’m thinking what will happen to me with that kind of term. It is a good thing that there is a petitioner who fought for the right of the petitioners to have the regular load plus an overload of 6 units – which, according to our college handbook, is allowed. And there, I am delayed no more!
With regards to finances, I must say that what Bea Barlaan told me was true. I didn’t even know where the tuition money came from. My dad just sent it to me through the ATM card just in time for my enrollment. I must say that God met me in my time of need.
I am now enrolled, and it’s all thanks to God. And that is it.
The End… and also, a Start.
Please let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who stood with me in prayers. Thank you! Especially to Kuya Rodnel and Kuya Paul for their great leadership and for the conversations we had. For those who stayed with me, comforted me, encouraged me and helped me, thank you very much (this blog is too long and may become longer if I mention you one by one, you know who you are). I’m so honored to have you as my friends and family.
And of course, the greatest thanks go to God – for His sovereignty in my life. It is good to know that there is Someone greater than I am, that I am under Someone who has things already worked out for me, that there is Someone whose plans are far better than what I can come up with my mind, that there is Someone whose hands I can hold on to when I need strength, and whose hands carry me in my time of weakness. Glory and honor are Yours, forever and ever. You have glorified Your Name in my life and I believe You will glorify it again.